Life is no highway…

It’s been awhile, I know. So much for writing here frequently, eh? Last night, I had the strangest dream, which I’ve decided to share.

I was in sixth grade again, and I was walking home from school. Crossing the road, I was hit by a car, and I died. Instead of being ‘dead,’ though, I was reborn. I had the opportunity to start over from the day one.

Eventually, eleven years passed and I was in sixth grade again. Somehow, I also had all my memories from my previous life. I was thinking, “I have to do things differently. Here I am, and here’s my chance to change what happened before. I have to stop myself from being hit by that car.”

I look back and analyze this dream, and I definitely think there is symbolism within it. For me, everything changed in sixth grade. I was always a loner, but I became more of a loner in sixth grade. Sixth grade was the year of extraordinary changes. I went off to middle school, where I was teased repeatedly in the public school. There were times I would stay home sick, just because of the teasing.

Eventually, in January of my sixth grade year, I ended up transferring to a private school. In the end, I’m not sure if this was the best thing for me or not. Yes, I had the opportunity to have an amazing band instructor, but I missed out on many of the opportunities I could have had in the public school. At the time, I was emotionally unstable, and who knows what would have happened to me.

The end of the dream ended with me going into seventh grade at the public school. The second time around, I managed to make it past the car crash and life continued.

Obviously, there’s no turn around in life. I can’t go back, and I can’t change what already is. Only in dreams can one change the past. You can only go forward, not backward. Life is not a highway; there are no easy exits where you get off and turn around. You can only keep going. Sorry, Tom Cochrane.

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About Me

Every good blog begins with an “About Me” section, right? Well, here’s mine.

My name is Nicole. I am nineteen years old and attend college in Des Moines, Iowa. The first eighteen years and eight months of my life were spent in the Waterloo Metro Area. I am a 2010 graduate of Waterloo East High School.

I’ve always been a private person, up until recently. Lately I find myself being more open, which could be a good or a bad thing. I’ve always wanted to take up blogging, but it’s never happened. Today I randomly decided to connect this WordPress account (which I’ve never used) to Windows Live Writer. Maybe that will help to keep blogging?

Blogging can be fun, and it’s fun to read other people’s blogs. I only wish I could come up with fun and witty things to write. I love to write stories, but I tend to get wrapped up in so much that I forget to keep up.

In general, I have low self esteem. Self esteem is something I’ve battled with for years. Also, I feel like I’m quite a depressing and boring person.

I’m a huge animal lover. In high school I volunteered at the humane society. At home we have a bit of a zoo. We have two dogs, three cats, and one bird.

For seven years I was an only child. I was spoiled rotten, I guess you could say. My father died when I was four, and my mom had another baby when I was seven and a half years old. My sister’s now eleven.

After reading the Diary of Anne Frank in eighth grade, I became fascinated with diary-writing. I started a diary that I rarely write in – maybe a few times a year. Now, that wasn’t my first diary. My first diary started when I was about eight or nine. I was quite embarrassed with some of the stuff I wrote, though; so I tore it up and threw it away.

I regret that. It’s always fun to go back and look at what I wrote back then. Even looking back on what I wrote six years ago is interesting.

Just think, in ten years I might be reading this…what will be going through my mind? What will my life be like then? Will I be married? Will I have a career that I enjoy? Will I have any children? Will any of my future goals be achieved? Only my future self can answer those questions.

This blog is mostly a documentation for my future self. If others read it, that’s up to them. Others can criticize me and find me boring, but my future self will not. When reading this in ten or twenty years, my future self will smile, a tear might roll down her cheek, as she is flooded with memories of her past.

She’ll be sad that so many years have passed, and she’d give anything to be nineteen again.

Until then, she’ll try to live in the moment and the make the future self that she’s always dreamed about. Each moment slips her one second further into the future. She’s growing older as she types this.

I’m quite a dreamer, and I think … a lot. When I write, I ramble and tend to get off subject. But I’m me, and there’s no changing that.

Well, let’s get to blogging!

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